he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
