We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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