Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
