you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
