at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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