I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I think i got beer on your cat.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
