if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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