when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
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Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
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he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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