my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
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he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
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I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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