haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
