That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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