we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
