My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
