We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
