I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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