I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
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At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
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I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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