And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
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Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
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Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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