you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
