You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
