I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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