I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
