you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
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i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
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I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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