And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
