***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
