He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
