i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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