I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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