jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
