i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
