The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
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just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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