That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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