I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
