I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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