I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
