My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
