And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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