I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
