Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Why is there bacon in the couch?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
