my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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