I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
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