So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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