My first STD was from a foam party
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
