Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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