Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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