so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
