I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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