I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just gargled with NyQuil
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
