Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
