I can't watch pbs sober anymore
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
