I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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