she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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