I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
