allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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