I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
