508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Come share oat with me in your robe
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
