y did u give ur computer a hand job?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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