Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
