tell your sister to shave her snatch
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
