turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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