the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
