so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
