I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
