I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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